Brain Freeze

On Saturday afternoon I was in Wiesbaden, returning some items to the post library. I stopped by this store named METRO. I had never been there before and I was looking for a couple of items, so I decided that I’d check this place out.

It’s very big, like a super Walmart I thought. Nothing really struck my fancy until I got to the “Meat Room”. That’s correct; they have a refrigerated room of meat products. This was not like the walk-in refrigerator at Gib’s during the Kentucky State Fair. This place was larger than my living room, and was full of all types of meat vacuum packed, stacked, and just ready to be thrown into my cart. I was in heaven I tell ya’. They had boxes of marrow bones, oxtails, pigtails, calf knuckles, livers, kidneys … my head was spinning. They even had a cryovaced suckling pig! I picked it up, nuzzled with it for a while, but I didn’t place it in my cart. No, the pig would have to wait for another day.

See, I was also light on cash, and these places only accept EC cards. It’s some kind of European Debit Card or something, and I don’t have one. So I look for the most practical item I can find, and pick up 1.505 kilograms of skin-on pork belly-fat. Oh sure, I could have gone for the eccentric T-Bone or perhaps even gotten a little nutty and picked up some ground beef. But I just wasn’t feeling it that day. I must admit, I was feeling more than a little proud of the practicality of my choice.

I would return this place.

While I continued to view the goods on display, I started to see weird shadows sputter in front of me. At first I thought the lights were flickering. I looked around but no one else seemed to notice it. Then my field of vision started to contract and my head began to hurt. I must be having another aneurism ...

“Damn, I hate it when that happens! “

After almost 30 minutes of walking around in a 36 degree room in a t-shirt and shorts, I reckoned it was time to go. As I walked out of the room, the sound of two young girls chuckling caught the attention of my partially frozen brain. I looked down at my loinal region and cried out to them, “I was in the pool!”

After I calmed down and thawed out some I picked up a few more items and headed for the checkout. German people like to do things at the same time as … well … every other German person it seems. The stores are always so crowded, and everyone seems to be buying enough food to last the summer. I finally get up to the checkout and the girl asks me if I have some kind of card. “Nein”, I reply. I think she is just asking me for a Kroger Card or some savings card. I am waiting for her to start scanning my items, but she gets on the phone and calls for someone who speaks English. Apparently this is some kind of “Members Only” store (like Sam’s Club, not the place Walt buys his jackets), and I’m not one.

The girl who spoke English (very well, I might add) says I can use her card, but explains to me that you need to be a member. “How much is a membership?” I ask. She tells me that you have to be a re-seller (or a merchant of some sort). Visions of that cryovaced suckling pig are suddenly starting to dim. I didn’t believe her, but she was very nice and I was still experiencing some pangs of brain freeze and didn’t want to belabor the point. Anyhow, it was probably just a translation problem. Maybe I’ll check into it later on.

Since it seems that it is going to rain all weekend, I need a project for Sunday. I have just the thing in my cart….

Here’s a picture of my Ex…

… my Ex-Dog that is.

He’s Pete’s & Lauri’s dog now. The old boy looks good!

Word from Jersey is that he has four Confirmed Kills so far this summer. I guess those are numbers 3 and 4 at his feet. You may need to click on the picture and get a larger view to see them.

As you can probably imagine, I’m just gushing with pride!

The Mailman has been very good to me this week…

It’s been a banner week for mail here at The Haven. One day I get Michael Jackson’s “Great Beers of Belgium”, the very next day brought “Pork & Sons” and the invitation to Nancy’s wedding in Spain.



Then today, not expecting any more good luck I hesitated as I approached the mailbox. As I opened it I felt a bit of elation as I recognized the new NRA magazine in the box.

But there was also something else.

A key?

To yet another mailbox.

Is this some cruel hoax?

I was looking around for Alan Funt as I approached the second mailbox with the key.

I broke out my NBC kit (Nucular, Biological, Chemical) and dusted it for trace elements.

Nothing.

I opened it, and found to my surprise … my new truck tent! I had almost given up on it.

Of course I had to do a test installation as soon as I got home…

Thanks Cliffy, I knew you'd come through for me!

Damage

Here’s a picture of the damage to back of my truck.



You can see that the damage is not really that extensive. I stopped at the Toyota dealership on my way home from the accident so they could order the plastic light cover. I don’t know how long the rest will take to get sorted out, but I want to get this replaced as soon as possible. I don’t think they sell Tacomas in Germany, so I thought it may take a while to get the part in. Even if they don’t do body work (and I don’t know if they do or not), the part will be on its way. Worse case scenario, I buy the part from them and take it to a guy who does bodywork.

I went to the Metzgerei on Saturday and bought the following bunch of goodies…



Here’s the index…



1 – Mettwurst (a smoked sausage made of roughly ground veal and pork)
2 – Wildschwein Schinken (Ham from a wild boar)
3 – Zunge (tongue from a calf)
4 – Blutwurst (blood sausage)
5 – Bierwurst (I actually like the name better than the sausage, it’s a little rough for an emulsified sausage, an has a strange flavor that I haven’t nailed down yet)
6 – Bier Knackers (the real Slim Jims)

Sunday morning, I made a tongue omelet. Went something like this…

Cut up some onion and yellow bell pepper (‘cause I had it in the fridge)…



Julienned about three slices of tongue…



Sautéed them in a little Olive Oil, with salt & pepper, and a pinch of crushed red pepper (the pizza stuff)…



Beat three eggs and mixed them around in a hot pan until slightly set…



Placed the tongue mixture into the center, with some Parmiggiano shavings and a little more salt & pepper…



Folded it, hit it with some chives, s&p, and a healthy ribbon of sriracha. Served it up with some nice bread and some schmaltz…



It browned a little more than I would have liked, but it sure was tasty!

I just got a new book in the mail this week. Can you guess where I’ll be this weekend?

A Short History of Accidents

On Friday I was in my second auto accident since I’ve been in Germany. The first was with a small BMW sports car, the second was with a motorcycle by way of a bus.

The first accident occurred a couple of months ago. I had my truck for a couple of weeks, but had not yet moved out of the hotel. I was at the Media Mart or the grocery store. I had been waiting for the new Wilco CD to come out over here, and would go to the Media Mart to look for it and do some grocery shopping next door. I always park away from stores because of the tightness of the parking spaces. There are always more spaces the farther you get from a store. I don’t even remember what I had bought that day.

I got into the truck and started it up; I put on the seatbelt, and checked the mirrors. I put it in gear, and turned to look behind me, and saw nothing moving. I look to my left rear a couple of times, because this is where the traffic will be coming from, and it looked clear. So I start back slowly, looking to the left for cars coming through the lot. I get about halfway out of the parking space when I feel and hear a crunch. Not a good Corn-Flake crunch, but a “this is going to cost me serious money” crunch.

I stop the truck and immediately check all my mirrors. I see nothing. There is nothing behind me! So I pull the truck back into the parking space and get out. I see a small blue BMW convertible in the space directly behind mine. A woman gets out of the car and we start looking at each others cars. I tell her that I don’t speak German. Luckily, she speaks pretty good English so that is not a problem. We are both looking at our vehicles and I can see a dent in my bumper. It’s somewhat large in area, but not deep. We look at her car and see … well … we can’t see any damage. None.

Up until this time I was calm. Now however it’s a different story, I’m furious. I let into her, “Look what your little car did to my big truck!”

Well, it didn’t actually happen that way. We looked at each other incredulously. “But I heard a crunch” she said. “So did I”. Finally we did find a broken plastic cover on one of her taillights.

“Yeah! Take that!”

It was emasculating, I tell ya! My big pickup has a big dent in the bumper, and her little BMW convertible sports car has a cracked light. Do you remember that scene in “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas” when his heart grows ten sizes? Remember how they showed it with a magnifying glass?

Well, just picture that scene going in reverse, only with my testicles shrinking instead of my heart.

I guess she felt bad for me, because she turns to me and says “Shit Happens”. She was really nice about it. We both just happened to start backing out around the same time, and were both angling our cars out of the parking spaces, and we hit. I told her that I didn’t even see her (even after we hit), she said she didn’t see me either. Of course I was in the big red truck… one might expect to see THAT in the rearview.

I asked her what would normally happen, and she said that I would have to pay for the damage to her car, and she would pay for the damage to mine. I told her that I was not worried about it. I think she was probably getting the better end of that deal, because a plastic taillight cover is probably a little cheaper than a bumper. We shook hands and parted ways. I thought that she really did me a favor, because it’s not really a truck until it’s got a dent.

I am still a little broken up about her not sustaining as much damage as I did. The motorcycle, however, was not as lucky.

We had our Organizational Day picnic today. After I left I gave a friend a ride home, and turned to head back to the Rheingau. As I was coming up to the highway everything was backed up. I wasn’t too upset because I get of at the first exit which is not far. It was stop and go traffic, and the going was not going far. There is a motorcycle behind me, and I’m waiting for him to start moving up between cars as hey usually do. This guy however is just staying right behind me, in the center of the lane. I make it to within 300 meters of the exit. I’m stopped, with my foot on the brake and am getting ready to put the truck in gear to move forward another 10-20 feet, when I feel this crunch behind me. It was kind of a double crunch, and when I looked back the motorcyclist was pushing himself up on the tailgate of the truck.

When I got back to see what had happened, he was on his feet, but was visibly shaken. I thought he was in shock and speaking gibberish that I couldn’t understand. That was until I remembered I was in Germany. He was really pretty spooked about it (and rightly so). They took him away on a stretcher, although he was conscious and even helped himself up onto the gurney.

The motorcycle was almost entirely under the bus which was stopped about one foot from my truck. This guy was lucky that he didn’t lose a leg or two. I couldn’t tell what they were saying to him, but I think he may have some bruised (maybe broken) ribs. I didn’t even talk to the bus driver. A guy who had witnessed it was there and he spoke decent English, and I told him what happened. The Polizei officer just told me that I could go (after he took my information). He told me that I’d get a copy of the report in the mail, and I’d need to take that to my insurance company. I made sure to write down all of the license plate numbers of those involved, a quick description of what happened, and got a business card from the officer. He never even asked me what happened, but it was probably obvious being that the bus drove the motorcycle into the back of my truck. At least I can be pretty sure that the bus company has insurance.

The damage is not really that bad. A couple of dents and scrapes in the tailgate, a couple in the bumper, and a small scrape in the left quarter-panel. Ironically it also broke the plastic cover of my tail light. I guess we will have to see how this all pans out, but I should get a new bumper out of the deal, and some dent pulling and painting on the tailgate. I was a little shaken when it first happened, but by the time the cop told me I could leave, I was ready to go.

Screwed by the Metric System

So Saturday I went to this organic farm place. It’s called Domäne Mechthildshausen. I’m not quite sure of the story of the place, but it seems pretty cool. It’s actually a working farm, with a dairy, a bakery, a butcher shop, and a market. I think all of the stuff there is organic (or bio as it’s called here). It’s really close to Wiesbaden Army Airfield, and I was there to return some library books. The Domäne itself is a good sized building with a big courtyard in the middle. What would usually be walls around the courtyard of a castle is all building here. The entrance drive to the courtyard is under what looks like office space. And it’s all stone, and very pretty.

Of course I didn’t have my camera with me, so you’re just going to have to imagine what it looks like. It’s kind of like a big farmhouse, only entirely different. I bought some of these berries there.



They are called Johannesbeeren, but they are better known in the States as Gooseberries. (**correction, they are red currants NOT gooseberries**) I tried one of my cousin Tom’s sure-fire German pick-up lines with the girl at the register. “Wo ist mein dinglebeeren?” I asked. She screamed for the manager and I was escorted off the premises by Hans and Wolfgang. Nice couple of guys…

I bought the Johannesbeeren because they reminded of the berries we had out in front of our house when I was growing up. Those were not edible, but I did manage to stuff enough of them into my nose to require a hospital visit. But that’s another story. A story that I’ll let one of my sisters tell in the comments (if they are so inclined). The Johannesbeeren are good, but when you take a whole mouthful at once? Whoooo weeee are they sour! I didn’t put any in my nose this time (ain’t you proud Ma?). I also bought some quark there, and when I got home I went on the bike ride to Geisenheim (see previous post).

Anyway, one day a couple of weeks ago, Somebody came by the house and stuck a little bit of paper in the door. The paper was an advertisement for a local outfit that delivers eggs right to your home. I thought this was great. Fresh eggs would be left on my doorstep (and hopefully not splattered in the street by one of the little bastards in the neighborhood). I was looking for an old milk box, or something that I could leave out for them to put the eggs in. After coming up empty at several locations, I just bought a small Rubbermaid container, and lined it with some newspaper to keep the eggs from cooking until I got home. Americans are such a bunch of babies about eggs and food poisoning. They don’t even refrigerate the eggs here. In stores they are just out on shelves.

As it turns out, the egg place also hires handicapped people from the surrounding communities. I don’t know whether the people are physically or mentally handicapped. As long as it’s not an egg smashing handicap, I’m OK with it. Today I got my first dozen eggs.



Now what is the first thing you noticed about that picture? Was it that the eggs are brown? Well, I’m cool with that. Was it the bottle of wine next to them? That was just on the table, and has nothing to do with this story. No the thing you should notice is the number of eggs. I didn’t get a dozen eggs, I got ten eggs!

The God-Damned Metric System ripped me off again!

Hey Baby, it’s a Wild Weekend

I spent this weekend catching up on some things I’ve been neglecting for too long. Made some phone calls home on Saturday and did my Karate Kid impersonation on Sunday, which is today, as I’m writing this. It may be Monday or later when you read this, so you’re just going to have to imagine that it’s Sunday when you read this. OK? Good. Glad we got that straightened out.

Saturday I ran a couple of errands, rode my bike into Eltville for strange meat products because the local Metzgerei (butcher/meat forcer) closes at around noon, and I did not time things properly. However I was not disappointed by the selection in Eltville, and made several purchases. The best of which was a couple of slices of Schinkenmagen, which is a big sausage (bologna sized) that is basically cubes of ham suspended in a matrix of fat and coagulated blood.



I was particularly pleased to find two of the crafts of the Fleischmeister combined (ham curing and sausage making) in one package. I also found a bakery that was open there so I purchased this beautiful hulk of a loaf of bread.



When I got back I decided to ride down the Rhein for a bit. I was just riding along enjoying the sunny day and got as far as Geisenheim (not that far in reality, but a bit of a trip for a fat guy). I stopped at the Weinprobierstand in Geisenheim and got a glass of Riesling and a bottle of water and sat down at a bench. Weinprobierstands are basically kiosks (these particular ones are down by the river, I don’t know if they have them elsewhere) that sell wine by the glass (or bottle) and maybe some snacks. I stayed there for while and drank one small glass of wine (~3-4 oz) and a liter of water before heading home. I hit two more of the stands on my way home, but I didn’t have any water at these.

Saturday’s dinner consisted of a couple of sandwiches made with the hunk of bread and the Schinkenmagen.



Along with an Altenmunster pilsner it really hit the spot.



When I say that I did my Karate Kid impersonation on Sunday, I am referring to the “wax on, wax off” part. Today, for the first time since I’ve been here, I hand washed and waxed my truck. It is actually sort of a No-No to do work like that in Germany on a Sunday. But I did it in back of my apartment so nobody would have to watch me do something constructive on the Day of Rest. It was pretty hot here today. I was washing and waxing the truck in the heat of the sun. I got tired around mid wax on. I had been drinking diet coke and/or water up to this point, so I went inside and grabbed a couple of nice cold, hoppy, Flensburger Pilsners. They really scratched that itch and got me through the rest of the job Here is the result.



It might not be as shiny as a Steven’s car, but I’ll bet he has an electric buffer. I can’t tell you how much a door-to-door electric-car-buffer salesman could have gotten from me today.

I also took some pictures of the grapes. We’ve had quite a bit of rain lately, and too much can cause mold or fungus to set in. It’s also been pretty windy, so maybe that is drying everything out. This weekend was nice and sunny and in the high 80’s to low 90’s. I think it’s supposed to cool back down Monday or Tuesday of this week (and I’m sure it will rain too).